The Rules – This Time By Men
We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are their rules! Please note … these are all numbered “1” on purpose:
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Don’t cut your hair, ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes/tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying anyway.)
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. I’m in shape. ROUND is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.
Cred ca asta este una din greselile noastre. Prea multe reguli, nici eu nu le tin minte pe toate, dar ele… Mai multa concizie si determinare, ca la armata. Vroiam sa scriu mai mult da’ vine nevasta-mea! Pa!
reasonable quotes, nothing outrageous….. 🙂
Dan, ce zici de asta: “don’t nag!”
Cine pe cine harceleaza, nag sau cum zici tu, hartuieste?
Hm. Regulile astea îmi aduc aminte de ceva. Nu mai știu exact de ce. Hm.
Ceea ce îmi reaminteşte că regulile pentru bărbaţi sunt la fel de stupide ca alea pentru femei.
Şi nu te lega de pantofii mei, mitocanule. Aminteşte-ţi că dacă eram desculţă nu mă luai de nevastă!
da, da’ in acelasi timp nu te-am loat pen’ ca aveai treij de perechi
vorba lu’ Toma Caragiu, “dac’as fi stiut, dac’as fi stiut…”
Nici eu nu te-am luat că aveai una! Pune mîna şi munceşte să-ţi cumperi pantofi!
Da, şi eu vorba Caragiului: Ah, de ce dracu nu l-am întrebat cîte perechi de pantofi are?
pai da, muncesc,da, da’ ca sa-ti cumpar tie pantofi! ce, io mai apuc?
(stai, draga, glumeam, hai nu te supara, normal ca ai dreptate, da, uite luna viitoare cer marire de salariu si ma duc la Clujana si-mi iau cate o pereche de pantofi pentru fiecare scula din trusa de scule din garaj. Cum care trusa de scule??? glumesti, da?)
Am mai trimis un post, nu a ajuns? Deci, glumesc, evident.
Păi, dacă facem parte din aceeaşi specie, este la vedere că sîntem aceeaşi specie. Tu chiar crezi că mi-ar plăcea un bărbat care nu ridică amărîtul ăla de colac??????? Cuuuuuu muuuuuuuuuuuuult mai bine, decît să se pişe pe el!
Şi cînd face caca să se pună cu fundul pe smalţul ăla rece. Că-z doară şi bărbaţii fac caca.
Ştii, femeile chiar au anumite motoare de simpatie. Alea care durează.
Cu filmele straine ce e gresit? Asta e doar o chestie americana, ca aici astia nu prea se uita la filme straine. E prea mult de munca, cititul subtitrarii. Si in general filmele europene au un stil total diferit fata de cele americane.
In rest, foarte corect.
Da, ai dreptate – scoatem filmele străine din listă. Băgăm fotbalul în schimb? Ăla european, that is.